24 Weeks

Week: 24

Baby: Measuring at 9 inches! Weight at 1.7 lbs!  The size of an eggplant. 

Gender: Boy

Measurements: Pregnancy belly!  People are just starting to ask if

I am expecting; part of me wants to say “no” just to see them squirm J but I am finding to much pleasure in saying “yes!”   My belly button is getting more shallow, but still an innie at this point.  I have been experiencing “growing pains” in this last week… It is probably all the holiday feasting I have been partaking in!

Fashion Choices:  For the most part, I am still wearing most of my pre-pregnancy clothes.  I have added a few maternity staples to my wardrobe – stretchy tops and leggings, and I am surprised at how comfortably they are.  I can definitely tell that my jeans are more restricting, so I find myself reaching for the leggings more often.  I am fortunate that they are in style again this season (and that Ian likes them too)!  I can still wear the majority of my scrubs thanks to elastic waist bands and loose styling, but I have been trying to decide what to do once I’m too big.  I’m thinking of just wearing maternity tops with scrub pants and a scrub jacket over the top.  This will keep me from having to buy pricey maternity scrubs that I will only wear for a few months.      

Movement: He is a little jumping bean!  My doctor doesn’t ask me to do kick counting (this probably would have made me neurotic) but to keep track of his patterns and report any decreases in movement.  He moves first thing in the morning, after each meal and when I lie down at night.  I am starting to be able to differentiate the jab of an arm or leg and the roundness of his head or back/bum.  I can’t help but smile each time I feel him, it is such an amazing thing!  It is hard to describe, but when he moves, it is such a private thing because only I feel it and only I know.  Ian is feeling his movements when we are together and has taken to talking to him and advising him on the outside world; so much fun!

Symptoms:  No sickness for 4+ weeks!  I really have been feeling wonderful at this stage of my pregnancy.  I look pregnant, I feel good, I have energy.  It couldn’t be better! 

Cravings: None to report.

Aversions:  Smells at work; but any normal person would be made nauseous by poop, yeast in folds, lack of personal hygiene type smells right? 

Work:  Going swell.

Labor:  Nothing yet.  I have been cramping recently, but it is hard to tell if it is all the rich food I have been eating or if it is related to pregnancy.

This Month:  I can’t believe that I am entering the seventh month of pregnancy!  The holidays have come and gone and we were able to spend some valuable time with friends and family.  Ian and I keep saying we have so much to be grateful for this holiday season.  We both have our health; we have two dogs that bring us laughter (and frustration at times); we are expecting a baby boy; we have friends and family to share in the joy.  I don’t know if I have ever been happier. 

Can’t Wait!:  To start the nursery!  We finally settled on a crib and placed the order so now we need to get the bunk beds out of the nursery so we can start on the first phase of getting ready for baby!  We hope to paint his room the first part of January and slowly collect the other things that we will need before spring.  He is going to be here before we know it!

Count Down:  To our pregnancy/birthing/parenting classes!  I’m such a nerd J

20 Weeks

Week: 20

Baby: Measuring at 7 inches! Weight at 11oz.  The size of a banana. 

Gender Prediction: I’m feeling girl……. I was WAY off.  We’re having a BOY! 

Measurements: Full-on baby bump!  So much fun!

Fashion Choices:  I plan to wear my clothes as long as I can.  I’m not sure if this is denial/refusal to admit I might actually grow out of my current wardrobe or the fact that maternity clothes aren’t cheap and commonly unflattering.   

Movement: Yes, definitely a yes!  I just felt him with my hands this morning and can’t wait for the moment Ian can steal a feel too!  He moves a lot in the early morning hours, and more recently, I have felt him during random times of the day.  I love having this reassurance that my baby is still growing J

Symptoms:  I will say with caution that my vomiting has subsided.  The nausea has almost completely gone, but occasionally pops up with certain “triggers” such as smelling food, talk of sputum, looking at food on Pinterest…  My low back is starting to feel sore at the end of the day and I get an occasional sciatica twinge with position changes.  Really, it could be worse!

Cravings: I am waiting for something to just jump out at me that say’s “EAT ME NOW” but this has yet to happen.

Aversions:  Reading recipes, looking at food. 

Work:  I’m still going strong!  I also have a New Grad nurse I can use as a slave for the next few months (no, not really Bridget)…

Labor:  I was able to see a REAL LIVE BIRTH!  It has changed me (for the better) and I visualize each day that mine will go as smoothly.

This week (or should I say month):  We found out we were having a boy.  I was in pure shock as the ultrasound tech wrote “BOY” on the screen and said “Congratulations, you’re having a boy!”  I had to make her double check.  She asked Ian and I before she started what we thought and we said simultaneously boy/girl respectively.  Ian was right!  And he was so overjoyed he yelled “YES” and threw his arms in the air as if he made a winning touchdown.  I want to remember that day forever.  We were most happy to hear he was healthy, and then that he was a he.  Also, Grant and Kristin had their precious baby boy.  They named him Emmett Jones Holdsworth.  He came out at 8lbs1oz and sweet as pie.  I love him so much already!

Can’t Wait!:  I love the holiday season and I look forward to putting out our decorations and hosting family.  It’s the most wonderful time of the year to be pregnant; lots of homemade treats and drinking hot cocoa snuggled under a blanket.  I hope that the Christmas Season finds everyone happy and healthy.

Count Down:  Not counting down to anything right now, just enjoying every moment of this pregnancy!

16 Weeks

Week: 16

Baby: Measuring at 4.5 inches

Gender Prediction: I’m feeling girl 

Measurements: The belly is out!  It is noticeable in my regular clothes and looks more pregnant than fat!

Fashion Choices:  Wearing regular clothes and using a hair tie through my button hole and looped around my button to keep my pants up J Cheap! 

Movement: I think so…. Maybe…. First thing in the morning, but I can’t be sure yet.

Symptoms:  Still nauseous and vomiting at random times.  I’m really trying hard to have snacks on me at all times, but in nursing, it’s not smart to carry an apple around in your pocket.  And, I’m in the habit of fewer, larger meals because that’s what I have time for at work, but I’m working on it.  Also, the sight of blood makes me sick, which is so inconvenient considering that I deal with it on a daily basis…

Cravings: Ooooo, fresh fruit, particularly berries.  And anything frozen and sweet! Yum!

Aversions:  Still leftovers… 

Work:  The same.

Labor:  Not me!

This week:  Grant and Kristin made it home!  It is so great to have them back!  Ian and I were down in Phoenix for the weekend (my excuse for the late post) to help them unpack their three bedroom plus basement house into ONE small storage unit and ONE small bedroom.  It like a life size jigsaw puzzle at the storage, not to mention their bedroom;  Let’s just call it the Master/Nursery Suite. 

Can’t Wait!:  Baby Holdsworth is putting on his last few fat rolls in-uteruo, so he could be here any day!  We hear he has a full head of hair; it won’t be long until we see for ourselves!    

Count Down:  To our Anatomy Ultrasound!  We get to see the baby again, and if we’re lucky, if it’s a HE or SHE!  It’s not until the Monday after Thanksgiving, but believe me, it is on the calendar!

12 Weeks

Week: 12

Baby: Measuring at 3 inches

Gender Prediction: Changes daily (calling him “he” but still feeling it’s a girl…) 

Measurements: I am up a few pounds and starting to have a little belly!  Although, it can be hidden in my regular clothes/scrubs.

Fashion Choices:  Still in my regular clothes and kind of getting excited to pull out the sweaters and boots. 

Movement: None

Symptoms:  Oh my goodness!  Has the nausea and vomiting reared it ugly head the last two weeks!  I have spent a few mornings and afternoons with the toilet.  I am feeling especially confused about this since I am nearing the end of the first trimester and was hoping for a little reprieve.

Cravings: Same goes for salty, but I feel like I can’t get enough fresh fruit, especially berries.  I could eat a carton of raspberries at every meal.

Aversions:  Leftovers….. Get those things far away from me! 

Work:  It’s hard to tell, but I think smells and sights at work are making me sick.  For example, I had to empty a drain bulb that was draining infected blood/fluid out of a persons wound and I was vomiting 10 minuets later.  Also, sputum (rust colored, thick, large lugie) made my stomach turn over!  Unavoidable as a nurse I suppose.

Labor:  Plenty of time to think about this…

This week:  I went up to visit my sister, Michelle, in Seattle and we had a blast!  It was purely a girls trip!  We ate where Urban Spoon told us to (mostly pastries and Chinese), we walked all over the city, we talked about the great places that were perfect for a romantic date, we watched movies in her studio apartment, we slept in, and we shopped in maternity sections!  It was a great way to say “have some fun before the REAL fun begins!” 

Can’t Wait!:  GRANT AND KRISTIN ARE COMING BACK TO AZ!!  Yay!  I am beside myself excited to have them close since their baby boy is due to arrive November 22^nd.  Let’s put our hands together for Kristin: packing an entire house, moving/driving across country, selling a house, temporarily (meaning, until their house sells) living with the in-laws, and a husband changing jobs at 36 WEEKS PREGNANT!  That’s saint territory if you ask me!   

Count Down:  To a real baby bump!

10 Weeks

Week: 10

Baby: Measuring at 1.5 inches and, at last ultrasound, right on gestational age!

Gender Prediction: Girl (written in a whispered voice around this house) 

Measurements: I am up one pound from pre pregnancy and just looking like I indulged on one-to-many desserts; thicker around the middle.  I don’t consider myself as “showing” yet. 

Fashion Choices:  My clothes are fitting a little tighter so I have turned to un-buttoning and unzipping all clothing when at home (and lets admit, occasionally after a dinner out in public).  Also, sweat pants when I’m off and Ian’s at work (ok, when he is home too).

Movement: No movement from the baby yet, but if your talking bowel movement, with much difficulty…

Symptoms:  Nausea and fatigue are most prominent.  My nausea has mostly been a low-grade feeling of motion sickness/not feeling well.  The fatigue can be overwhelming and if you surprise me in the middle of the day, you may find me asleep on the couch, or writing a blog post at 2PM in my pajamas.

Cravings: Anything salty.  I hate to admit…. Taco Bell, doughnuts (not salty) and pizza.  I did allow myself all of these and, it seems odd, but I feel like I could go the rest of my pregnancy without them and be fine.  It was a one night stand I suppose.

Aversions:  Meat, this will not be in my favor as I need the iron and am not currently taking a supplement due to my unfortunate circumstance as noted above.

Work:  The hardest part is dragging myself out of bed a 5AM, but they’ve been going pretty easy on me I think.

Labor:  I’ve been hearing a lot of horror stories, my plan is to not have a plan (taken from a wise mother of two boys).

This week:  I desperately need to clean my blinds, windows and window seals; Ian said he would clean the tile and grout with our steam cleaner while I do the blinds (I feel like my pregnancy hormones are affecting him…) He has been a great caretaker!  He cooks dinner AND cleans it all up, grocery shops and takes care of the dogs while I lay on the couch.  I think it’s his way of contributing to the pregnancy since he was so involved in all the IVF stuff.  He even stained the deck by his own accord!  Hmmm, how can I make this a habit?

Can't Wait!: For our first OB appointment!  It's not until October 16th because our OB is so busy.  This works out great since we have seen my Fertility Doc three times aleady with ultrasounds at each visit.  We have our first ultrasound in Flagstaff September 27th. 

Count Down:  LAST INJECTION on Friday the 21^st!  Horray!

Copy Cat

So, I have been thinking and working for some time on this dry erase baby board.  I snagged the idea from this creative, hilarious blogger that Kristin (my sis-in-law) introduced me to when I needed a cheering up.  I have always considered myself moderately crafty…then, I found this blog and can’t even place myself in the semi-crafty or slightly crafty category.  This gal uses a chalkboard for weekly pregnancy updates and is a true artist.  I plan to copy (nearly) all her ideas, from the nursery, to baby supplies, to maternity clothes J 

This project took quite some time, in part because I am a perfectionist, but also because I shopped around for months at consignment, thrift and second hand stores for months to find a wooden frame WITH quality glass.  This was key because I hoped to refinish the wood and write directly on the glass.  I picked this one up at Hodge Podge, a second hand store mostly know for selling used medical supplies; fourteen dollars!  Can you believe that?  What a deal.  Then I picked out a few fabric backgrounds from Joann’s and had Ian refinish the frame and decide which fabric contrasted best with the dry erase markers. 

After writing the message, erasing it and writing in again to erase it again, I finally took my horoscopes advice and decided to not be disappointed by my full fledged disillusionment that this board might turn me into an artist and accept it for a board to enjoy taking pictures of and posting to my blog to keep everyone updated on my pregnancy.  So, while it’s no where near what I have envisioned, it will be a great way to document my pregnancy over the coming weeks and months!   

Is it One or is it Two, that is the question...

What a roller coaster of triumph and emotions this past week has been!  I am so proud and grateful to announce that ONE precious little being will be entering our home in April!  I felt a huge sigh of relief (literally, with thoughts of a huge swelling belly leaving my mind) when our nurse practitioner found a single gestational sac and a single, amazing (I seem to be using that word alot lately) heart beat!  I will admit, I was surprised, having thought from the beginning that there would be two little babies entering our lives.  In no way am I disappointed, and I foresee the insurmountable benefits of having a single pregnancy, but I can't stop thinking about the one plus to having twins... WE WOULD BE DONE!  No additional cost, no more travel, no more time off, no more medications and injections.  I understand that the benefits of a single pregnancy far outweigh the risks of a multiple pregnancy, so I do feel so blessed and believe that this is God's plan.  I asked Ian, before the ultrasound, how many he thought were making a home in my uterus and he surprised me with some comment about being the next "Hollywood octo-family."  Yikes!  You can imagine the sigh of relief he had! 

Pregnancy has treated me well in many respects, but I do have some daily reminders to be thankful for....  My nausea has been popping up in the middle of the night and gives me a feeling of restlessness and discomfort.   Nothing close to vomiting, but a nagging discomfort that disrupts my sleep anywhere between 12 and 2am.  More recently, I have been waking up nauseous, but find that if I eat something small, it tends to subside.  And, I know better than to let myself get hungry; not doing that again!  If I stick with small, light snacks throughout the day, I do pretty well. 

I haven't felt PURE EXHAUSTION like I was expecting, but I could be asleep, in bed by 8pm.  I think just the sheer fact that I'm pregnant keeps me energized.   Food is another story.  I can't listen to people talk about nor talk about it myself nor can I read about it (i.e. recipes, Pinterest).  This totally sucks!  I used to flip to the recipe section of Better Homes and Gardens before reading anything else, and I will not be starting my mornings off with a quick peek at what's new on Pinterest!  Smells are bothering me too!  Literally, I feel like I can smell my carpet!  Febreze products are scattered in every corner of my house.

Oh, and I almost forgot, Peri Oral Dermatitis - look it up!  It is not pretty folks!  This red, bumpy, flaky rash has taken over my mouth and chin!  Sooo ugly!  Why?  This one condition has lead me to believe that the precious heart beating in my belly belongs to a girl!  I really don't care either way (Ian doesn't like me saying that...) but really, that's my thought!  Any other opinions/thoughts?   

I'm 7 weeks 1 day pregnant today and am probably the single luckiest (and best stocked) woman in the world!  Thanks to my wonderful co-workers, I have a swing, bouncer, play center, play mat, bath chair, bumbo, pump and the list goes on!  Thanks for always watching out for me girls!  Your support and friendship means so much! 

The Modrell's Jubilee

I'M PREGNANT!  I went into an all-over body sweat and had to sit down after the phone call.  My family is here, celebrating in the joy.  My house turned into a call center.  EVERY phone was sounding off - text, email, calls, voicemail!  I was liteally smiling from ear to ear and actually still am.  Thank you for all the prayers, thoughts, vibes, encouraging words and support.  Love and hugs to all!

Infertility Olympics

I have been training for this moment for 3 years!  I have been setting alarms to plot charts and progress; I have relayed from doctor to specialist, Flagstaff to Phoenix; I have leaped hurdles and put my head down and run long distance; I have preformed synchronized injections and ultrasounds; I have trained and I want the Gold Medal.  I want to stand upon the highest podium and listen to my personal anthem knowing that I succeeded and all this training was for a purpose!

I am here!  I have two small dividing embryos making a home in my uterus.  It is a comfort to know they are with me.  It is now, that we start the 2 week wait for confirmation.  So, I sit here on my podium while Ian brings me food and water, watching chick flicks and reading cooking magazines (Kristin, you know me to well).

I have adequate entertainment to keep me distracted for the upcoming weeks.  I get a long awaited visit from my adorable, pregnant sister-in-law.  I am thrilled to be hosting her shower to celebrate her baby boy (first grand baby on both sides and first Great on the Holdsworth side!).  My grandma and aunt are making the long drive from Utah and it will be great to have the extended family together.  Plus, if you know me at all, hosting a shower is right up my alley! From invitations and favors to decorations and food, I have thoroughly enjoyed myself!

Thanks to everyone for sticking by me through this LONG process!  The gold medal has my name on it!

Round 2

If you are reading this then you haven't given up on me!  Thank you.  When I told myself I would be taking the month of June OFF, I took the recommendation literally.  So here I am, one month later without uttering a single word on my blog.  So, thank you for checking back in! 

Before I start off with the monotony of what I have been up to these past weeks, lets start off with a recap of June events.  We were fortunate enough to spend a week with Ian’s family on splendid Lake Powell and I can’t think of a better place to relax.  The weather and water were certainly in our favor, so there was no excuse to not enjoy ourselves.  Ian blessed us with a Wake Surf for our anniversary present (I’m so spoiled, really) so we learned how to surf behind the boat.  We spent a lot of time relaxing on the upper deck reading, listening to music, jumping and sliding off and soaking up every cancerous UV ray available.  It was a much needed change of pace and a great way to start our summer. 

 

 (WOW, adding those pictures was difficult!  Any tips for moving them around?)

As a cap off to June, a grand finale in a sense, Ian and I drove to Utah for a Warfield family reunion!  It was a blast and I really enjoyed catching up with my cousins that are pretty well scattered; Pennsylvania, Missouri, Nevada, Arizona and Utah.  We hiked up Timpanogas Mountain and indulged ourselves in a guided tour of the cave system; we spent a day in Park City riding the various coasters/slides/zip lines; we stuffed our faces with Dutch Oven Chicken (heavenly) and various other homemade concoctions.   I am so grateful to my Aunt Karin for lighting the fire under our hineys and being a great host!  We got a final dose of fun and relaxation before our busy month of July. 

As soon as we got home, the IVF mountain we started to climb (once again).  I felt the weight of the injections, medications, travel and expense mounting and it brought a toll on my confidence.  I could hardly believe my feelings of doubt and insecurity which secondarily brought on a feeling a guilt.  Wasn't I supposed to feeling excited?  I really was a wreck the first week: crying at work (more than once), crying on the phone, crying to Ian.  I didn't recognize myself; this wasn't me.  I am usually able to look ahead to the reward and accept the challenge, but I felt I gave everything I had with the first cycle; my reserve was depleted.  

Thank heavens for my strong support system who gave me the strength to think positive and boosted my confidence for the winding road ahead.  So far, as long as I take it one day at a time (so cliche, but so true), I have been able to put one foot in front of the other and continue on my IVF path.  Quotes of inspiration in the early morning hours when I feel I can't face the day, help me to get out of bed and put my trials in perspective.  Two appointments down, both bringing good news with them, has also been an energy booster.  Two more to go before implantation, so send good thoughts and prayers into the universe, that this journey will be successful. 

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."  I'm like Dory from Finding Nemo, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."     

And....... She's Back

Yes, that's right.  I am functioning at a full 100% and feel SO much better.  My recent ultrasound showed a dramatic improvement in the free fluid and showed only a few cysts (fluid filled follicles without eggs) on my left ovary.  I have been able to get back to my normal routines around the house and will be back to work tomorrow!  Yay!  It's great to be "out of the woods" and back to my life.

The clinic has me on schedule for transfer the last week of July with a few visits in between for estrogen level checks and ultrasounds to make sure my uterus is making a nice padding.  Only two injections needed for implantation prep, so huge relief to my wallet, belly and buttocks!  Everything else is either cream, patch or pill.  This is a dramatic improvement from my toiletry bag full of concoctions that changed DAILY!  Phew!

As soon as I get back to work, I get to take a vacation.... funny how that works.  We will be in Lake Powell for our four year wedding anniversary!  We have much to celebrate and be thankful for this year, and, honestly, we could both use some R&R! 

I am excited to see all my girls (and guys) at work.  Everyone has been a huge support and it will be nice to catch up on your lives!  See ya tomorrow.  And to everyone else, thanks again for checking in!

We'll take two babies, on the rocks please...

This is it, the final count on our freezer family is in the books.  We have 15 embryos!  12 are considered "high quality" which is DOUBLE what we were expecting (although Ian and I have stopped expecting anything) and we couldn't be more happy.  It feels as if a light, shining from above, originating somewhere deep in the universe is shining directly over head, just for us.  We have conquered Mt. Everest; we have survived Death Valley.  We are intact and, dare I say, hopeful.  Hopeful that our happiness and joy can only grow greater from here. 

The next six weeks can't pass fast enough now that I feel better and the hard part is behind us.  But, we have much to look forward to in June: (1) Lake Powell Palooza - one week :), (2) Our four year wedding anniversary - totaling 11 years together, and (3) a long overdue family reunion in Utah - full of fun, relaxation and my brother Grant!  Hopefully, I'll be back to work next week and that should adequately distract me for the time being.

We are so blessed! Family, friends, home, work, happiness and lots of embryos!   

From Moderate to Severe

I am starting to think I shouldn't post anything until this process is complete because it seems that as soon as I hit "Publish" something new develops.  I guess that life is full of change, but I was hoping for something along the lines of forward progress. 

When we got home last week, I felt like I was walking into some stranger's house.  I was only gone for 2 1/2 weeks, but it still felt weird to be back.  It really took crawling into my own bed, with my own sheets and soft pillow for me to realize I was home!  Nights have been rough since the retrieval, so it didn't surprise me that I was uncomfortable and wasn't able to get a restful nights sleep.  I shook it off and blamed the fact I couldn't lay in my natural sleep position but rather had to be propped up on my back with the pillows arranged in a recliner position.  My breathing was more labored and painful than it had been, but again, I staved off worry by attributing it to the altitude and my large, fluid filled abdomen.  By late that night, I was so short of breath I couldn't talk on the phone and couldn't move without a shooting pain in my chest.  A sixth sense (my mother-in-law) told me that this was in fact NOT an improvement and I should let my doctor know.  The thought in the back of my mind that this would pass was repressed further and I left a message on the Nurse Triage line. 

First thing in the morning the next day, the clinic called and told me to get my Butt to the Emergency Department.  Noooo!!! Please, I am getting better!  Except for the fact that Ian has been my personal nurse, attending to my every need, from bathing and dressing to eating and vomiting, and the fact that I can't move without a sharp pain running through my chest, I THINK I'm getting better...  Seriously, straight pipe dream. 

Ian brought me in and they ran a slew of tests: chest x-ray, abdominal/vaginal ultrasound, lab work, EKG, and a chest CT.  With OHSS, they were thinking fluid on the lung and heart, free fluid in the abdominal space and/or pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lung).  Yikes!  It didn't take long for them to discover a large pleural effusion (fluid in the sac that protects the lung) on the right and a small one developing on the left.  This was compounded by the fact that I had free fluid in my abdomen and large ovaries topped off with a boggy uterus, all pressing on my diaphragm - classic signs of hyper stimulation.  Thank God it isn't a pulmonary embolism was my first thought!  I couldn't bear the thought of being inpatient in a hospital that I work at, on a heparin drip that requires every six hour lab draws- dodged a bullet there!  My problem was extremely high levels of hormones causing fluid to shift from where it is supposed to be (in my vessels) to where it shouldn't be (any open space).  Because there is no treatment for the high hormone levels, they don't recommend taking the fluid off, because it ends up back in the same spot, ultimately prolonging the recovery process.  They also don't give diuretics because it will just further dehydrate me, extending my discomfort.  So, they sent me out the door on a high protein/ high salt diet and zofran and phenergan to help keep the food down.

The next day was rock bottom, but with everyone shoving some sort of protein in my face and MAKING (how dare they) me get out of bed, I started to feel a tinge better.  Today, I'm on the downhill slide.  I am able to sit up in a chair without pain, tolerate food, and take care of my personal hygiene.  Tuesday was Ian's first day back at work and we both worried how I would do, but I promised not to overdo and we are both pleasantly surprised that I was able to take care of myself for the first time in weeks.

No final report on the embryos, but I will post as soon as we get the magic number.  Even with the OHSS, we are a go for implantation in about six weeks.  I am thinking sometime in July.  I am so glad to be feeling better and hope to get back to my normal work and exercise routine in the next couple weeks.  Thanks to everyone who offered their help and words of comfort!  I have great friends and family and really couldn't do it without you all!        

Homeward Bound

You would not believe what can happen in a few short days, but believe it or not, I have lots of news to share. Starting with the most important, and also the most fun, our embryo count. This isn't the final report but we have 6-7 high quality embryos that are already in the cryogenic freezer and another 4-5 trailing behind those that are scheduled for freezing today! Really, it was the best news we've had since we started this process and we feel a huge weight lifted knowing we have healthy embryos in storage :) They keep saying that "no news is good news" so we probably won't hear anything on the final report for another 7-10 days, but we do know that this family is about to get a little bigger!

Since I posted last, my ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome went from mild to moderate and the flu-like symptoms I was telling you about were the signs of it's progression. I ended up back at the clinic for an ultrasound to check for fluid on my abdomen and sure enough, it was there in force. My originally walnut sized ovaries had ballooned to the size of grapefruits (fluid and blood filling all 22 follicles) and fluid had accumulated in the spaces in my abdomen. It explained my feeling of indigestion, nausea and shortness of breath, which really was my stomach being pushed up into my diaphragm and causing an increase in pressure in my lung cavity. My left ovary had a cup of fluid and the right, about three-quarter cup. I was so uncomfortable! I was literally flat on my back for two days! I couldn't sit up due to the pressure and couldn't lie on either side because I could feel my respective ovary sitting on my hip bone. The clinic thankfully brought me back to life with some IV fluids and IV anti nausea meds and I went from functioning at 30% to a strong 75%. Currently, Tylenol has been taking care of my discomfort and oral zofran my nausea, so I feel I'm at about 85% functionality and improving. My abdomen is still round with fluid but the clinic has me on a high sodium diet to help pull some of the fluid into the digestive tract. I've been induldging on Doritos, pickles, tomato soup, Gatorade, and French fries. By the end of this, it may be hard to decipher fluid from lard :)

This may be an obvious statement, but they did NOT put any embryos in my highly toxic uterus. They prepped us for implantation; we even went as far as checking into preop, signing consents and dressing in surgical garb. I was scheduled for transfer at 12:15 and it wasn't until 12:30 that my doc came back and told us we had options to freeze since the embryos looked beautiful! Huge relief (especially since I was still feeling like I escaped death)! Fun fact- growing embryos change every 20 minutes!

For now, I'm off the injections and expect a period in the next week or so and then it's back on birth control for a full cycle to allow my ovaries to recuperate. After that, we can decide when implantation works into our schedule (so funny how they can do that) and they will re-start the protocol on the appropriate date. While I was disappointed when they told me they would not implant if the embryos looked good, I feel it really is a blessing! I'll have a chance to get my body back in order and I won't be starting at the bottom of a long hill, rater at a high crest. Thanks for all the encouraging words. I read them in the dark of the night, when I couldn't muster a happy thought and it really did help me get through the rough patch.

There's always a but...

Hi everyone! I have been thinking about this post for many days now and have been unable to even attempt normal hygiene routines let alone sit up or think straight enough to post anything! But I know everyone is sitting at the edge of their seats just waiting to hear, so I will lie flat and attempt to get something down between bathroom vomiting sessions! They retrieved 22 eggs and of those 22, they were able to fertilize 18 with Ian's sperm! We are so happy, relieved, blessed, excited.. Really any good emotion, you can add to this list. But, it was a process so I will start from the beginning.

Ian took me to the FTC Surgical Center on Friday morning at 8:15. A really awesome nurse did the preliminary paperwork and started my IV and some fluids to keep me hydrated. Then we were seen by an anesthesiologist (who I would let put me under any day) and he explained how the procedure would go, pretty straight forward. Lastly, we saw our doctor and she answered our last questions before sending Ian to the waiting room and me to the surgical room.

In the surgical room, they had set up a tiny half-bed with ginormous stirrups (at this point I felt vulnerable knowing I would be under fentanyl (an analgesic) and propofol (an anesthetic) and my naked legs and body would be suspended in mid air), but the anesthesiologist shot me up with a dose of fentanyl and I didn't have a care in the world :) Then I saw him hook a white liquid, which was the propofol, into my IV and the next thing I remember is being on a gurney in the recovery area! It seemed like an instant!

Ian was able to come back to the recovery area and he told me she captured 22 eggs!! That seemed like a huge number and soon we found out I was an overachiever when it came to egg production. The down side to this phenomenon is that I developed a mild case of Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome caused from excessive levels of estrogen due to each follicle emitting it's own dose since its inception. So, while I had many eggs develop, they were slow and steady to mature and ultimately caused toxic estrogen levels for tiny, fragile embryos.

This leads me to the but..... If the embryos are of high quality (utmost importance), our doctor will elect to wait 6 weeks (an entire cycle plus) to allow my body to return to its prior healthy state of homeostasis (my family makes fun of me for using that word). Therefore, increasing our chances for a healthy pregnancy. What do you say to that? No way, I want them to be dropped into a toxic waste land where they don't have a chance! So once again, Ian and I have to change our thought process and I can't tell myself "you can do this, just remember, you will be pregnant when you leave here.." But, we both agree, that waiting really isn't such a bad thing. Especially when you consider we've been at this for a year and a half, so what's six more weeks? Nothing really; we want the best result, bottom line.

At this point, they are prepping us for implantation just in case the embryos don't look like they could survive a 6 week freeze, so Ian is stabbing my buttocks with an 1 1/2 needle (which he enjoys and most importantly, is good at) and I'm covered in creams and patches to trick my body into thinking it's pregnant. This will all stop on Tuesday if the embryos are "high quality" and restart sometime over the next 6 weeks. And just to add to the fun (since there's not enough already), I'm either experiencing a bad side effect from one of the medications/hormones, have food poisoning, or just the plain old stomach flu! Seriously, living the dream!

I must send out a huge thank you to Ian for taking such good care of me, holding my hair and rubbing my back as I hug the toilet and keeping me comfortable so I can sleep! I feel so lucky to have him. Also, a huge hug and thanks to my in-laws who are taking care of my fur children with a smile. And also to my Dad and Sheri for letting me take over their house the last two and a half weeks. And finally to everyone who sent encouraging words and kept us in their thoughts and prayers! Your support and friendship is invaluable!

Retrieval Day!

Good Morning!  I wasn't able to post this yesterday because the Trigger shot I gave myself on Wednesday made me feel nauseous!  Anyway, I wanted to let everyone know that today is the day!  I go in at 8:15 and should be done by 10:00 am.  I will probably feel pretty groggy after I wake up from sedation, so I probably wont post anything tonight.  We will know how many eggs they were able to capture by today and how many fertilized by tomorrow. 

Wish me luck! 

Slow and Steady

I should know better than to try to plan anything in my life because when I do, it usually doesn't pan out accordingly.  I even had a five day cushion and 50% medication budget leeway and that still wasn't enough!

My follicles are growing nicely (for which I am most grateful and realize, above all, to be MOST important), but at a rate that wasn't according to plan....  My medication doses are more than triple the original outlined doses so you can probably do the math for the costs.  This alone could have driven me into a stressed out tailspin, but I realize this is a fragile process that takes time and precision, and patience is my best virtue at this point (and could probably use some tuning up for impending parenthood).  It is a refresher course on what a miracle it is to make a life.  If I remember, for the rest of my life, that it is a privilege to be a parent, then I may live knowing that I learned one of life's great lessons.

We're up for another ultrasound tomorrow, and I have no plans for anything at this point :o).  See, I'm learning!  Check back for an update!      

Incubation

Hello again!  Things have been greatly uneventful over the last couple days.  Aside from stabbing myself a few times each night (and the subsequent bruising), I feel well.  I have been able to catch up on some reading and sleep.  I find that I am able to enjoy the downtime more than I thought I would, and that I am happiest if my mind is busy (preventing any worrisome thoughts).

My quickies with Mr. Ultrasound's wand show the follicles are growing nicely in little bunches (how else, since they are all x-chromosones, we girls stick together).  The "lead follicle" is on the right and is measuring at 18mm; the others are trailing behind at a close 12-13mm each.  On the left, the largest follicle is about 15.5mm with the others measuring about 12mm.  The gals at the clinic continue to be vague about when exactly they think retrieval might be, not even willing to take a guess, so I took it upon myself to do some (more) research. 

I found a website from a hospital based out of Illinois that described the IVF protocol for their program, and, after further investigation, I noted that it was very similar to my clinics outlined protocols.  The Illinois based program states that they look for three things when determining time frame for egg retrieval: (1) Two follicles (one on each ovary) measuring at 18mm or larger, (2) all other follicles measuring at 15mm or larger and (3) an estrogen level between 500-1500.  Now, I don't know my exact estrogen level, but I can tell you that sappy commercials are bringing me to tears; this is not my baseline.  And- I do know that my follicles are looking pretty good for retrieval within the next few days IF they keep growing at their current rate (I'm placing my money on Wednesday).  That would mean that my "trigger" shot would be scheduled for Monday night.... Any other speculators in the crowd?  Let me know what you think. 

Ian will be back down from Flag tomorrow, I am excited to have my chaperon and commandant back.  I have another ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow morning, so if anything changes you will find it here!  Have a great day!   

Keep 'em comin'

I am happy to report we have MORE eggs.  They counted 10 follicles on the right ovary and 12 follicles on the left ovary at this mornings ultrasound.  Yeah!!  It is really amazing to see them on the monitor; it is tangible evidence that there are little eggs just waiting their turn for a chance at making a miracle!  It is hard to believe we can fool our bodies so easily with synthetic hormones....

After my ultrasound, the clinic scheduled me for a follow up visit on Saturday, which has been the routine over the past week (seeing me every other day).  Then, they called this evening to give me my dose changes (which has also been routine), but asked me to come back tomorrow morning for another ultrasound.  Of course, we speak and I write down the times and dose changes and I hang up and think, huh, I wounder why??  I couldn't have possibly asked this question while we were on the phone!  "Hey, what is she thinking, why do they want me in tomorrow??"  Nooo, that would have just been logical!  For heaven sakes, I am a nurse; I get on the phone with a healthcare provider and I don't ask a single question?!?  What is my deal? 

Anyway, I am only speculating here, but I'm thinking the follicles may have been more mature than the ultrasound tech thought.  We may be getting close to retrieval...... but, again, only speculation.  Check back tomorrow!!